Barack Hussein Obama is the smartest son-of-a-gun who ever lived! Seriously. No kidding. He’s absolutely the smartest one. He’s smart, smart, smart, smart, smarrrt!
Einstein, you say? Wouldn’t make a wart on Obama’s butt.
How about Plato, Da Vinci, Emanuel Swedenborg or… Bobby Fisher? Pikers. Dullards. Dimwits. Stooges.
Hey, what country did any of those guys ever subjugate to their dark and devilish will? This guy Obama’s taking over the entire freakin’ world! (Note: I’ll have more to say about that later, but right now I’m just trying to give credit where credit’s due.)
Yes sir, I’m talkin’ about Barack “Barry” HUSSEIN Obama. He’s the shizel. He’s got a brain the size of a Whirlpool dryer and the cunning to keep it out of sight until he’s ready to strike!
He absolutely fooled me. He played me like a Silvertone banjo. I went for the bait hook, line and sinker. Gobbled it all up like it was deep fried, cruelty-free chicken nuggets.
Hey, I think we all knew he was smart, but for God’s sake… I keep telling myself that I couldn’t have known the truth. He’s too smart. Right? I’m no match for him.
Yeah, I know Sean Hannity warned me. Glenn Beck was begging me to open my eyes, but I was blinded by the pretty words. I was taken in by promises of… of… all that stuff he said about hope and change and bankruptcy reform. But, I’ve finally wised up, and now I’m in the know.
BARRACK HUSSEIN OBAMA IS A MUSLIM! Yes, a Muslim! For real. I totally mean it.
Just like my friend Harlan who’s been disabled since that ear candling accident has been telling me, Barack Obama is a freedom hating, godless servant of the devil who has bored his way like a termite into the Oval Office and is gnawing away at the innards of liberty. He’s a Muslim!
Friends, he’s pulled the wool burka over our eyes, and he’s done it good. He says he’s a Christian, but in the dark recesses of his diabolical genius brain he’s doing the Sharia like Chubby Checker did the Twist!
I couldn’t have ever figured any of this out on my own. Thanks be to God that there’s Fox News, the Internet and that my spam filter doesn’t work so hot. That’s how I got the word. Spam email from a friend who watches Fox News. Yeah, it was Harlan.
Even the smartest son-of-a-gun alive has an Achilles heel. (The Muslims call it the “Hasan ibn Ali hamstring”, so get used to it. We’ll all be talking Muslim soon.) Even “Big Barry” slips up sometimes. Fortunately, the boys at Fox News were there to catch it when he did and had the courage to expose him.
With all that Muslim stuff bubbling and gurgling around inside him, it was inevitable that it would soak up through the Christian block out paint sooner or later. Last Wednesday, he went off his guard for a moment, just a moment, and told on himself.
On Wednesday Barry Obama, the smartest guy in the world, said out loud in public that he is FOR building a mosque at Ground Zero! It was all laid out in the email I got. Fox News has the whole thing on tape.
Obama said that the godless, freedom hating Muslims who are planning to stick their thumbs in the eyes of patriotic Americans by building the abominable heathen temple in New York, the wickedness of which may condemn Americans to burn in hell to the seventh generation, have a First Amendment right to build it. A RIGHT to build it! That’s what he said, and that’s the same thing as being “for it.”
It means exactly the same thing. Even I know that. Just like all the criminals always use that Fifth Amendment, all the America haters always use the First Amendment to shut everybody else up!
He’s the President, and he’s ordering that the mosque be built! The email said that isn’t all of it either. He’s gonna order that nobody can wear a cross, say a prayer to God or wear garlic within fifteen blocks of the joint. No doubt about it. He’s a Muslim.
I still don’t know how he pulled it off. That’s what amazes me. How could he have known way back there 25 years ago that someday he would need to make everybody think he’s a Christian so that he could fool all the voters and get himself elected President of this great nation? How did he know, way back then, that people were gonna hate Muslims… or that Muslims were gonna hate us! I thought pretty highly of the Muslims back then.
I always liked those guys that were selling gyros at Northlake Mall. Those were Muslims, right? Gyros are Muslim food, right? Mary Ann says they weren’t Muslims, but I’m pretty sure they were. That was goat meat, right? Obama’s not just smart, he’s clairvoyant!
Back there in 1985 while I had my mind on a rare three game winning streak the Atlanta Braves had going with Cincinnati coming to town, Barack Hussein Obama was laying the groundwork for his ultimate conquest of America, and likely the world.
While the minds of most Americans were reeling from the introduction of New Coke and the disappearance of old Coke from grocery store shelves, Barack Obama was quietly joining a congregation of Christians in Chicago. He got baptized, took communion and everything. He did the whole bit. Smart.
Smart ain’t the half of it—he’s focused and follows through. For more than twenty years he went to that church on Sunday. More often than not, he even hung around a while after services and socialized. He even put in an appearance at some of those pot luck dinners.
To the other members of the church it all made him look like one of them. It made him look normal. It must make them all shudder now to think about sharing cole slaw and marble cake with a godless Muslim right there in the fellowship hall of a house of worship!
Obama didn’t stop there. He got married and had two girls. He had both his girls baptized, just like him, because he’s smart. I mean, what Muslim would have his children baptized? Who would suspect such treachery? He pays attention to details. That’s what makes him so dangerous.
All we saw was a Harvard educated, articulate black man with some great sounding ideas. We weren’t looking at his hands. We didn’t see his fingers crossed every time he took an oath. We didn’t see the golden crescent and star hanging on a chain under his starched collars and silk ties. Silk… silk from Muslim countries, perhaps?
All I can say is that you better study up on your Persian music. It won’t be long before the Twelve Dastgahs blow Charlie Daniels plumb off the radio. They’ll be burning Frankincense and Oud and serving goat meat Big Hasan’s with pickle, lettuce, cheese and special sauce on a sesame seed bun at the Golden Arches soon unless we stand up now and take our country back!
I don’t know really what the hell that means because, like so many Americans, I’m confused. I’m just learning how to look at the world with the realization that there’s a Muslim in the White House. But, I ain’t confused about one thing any longer. Barack Obama is the smartest son-of-a-gun who ever lived.
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
You won’t be laughing so hard when you wake up and find out that your church has been close down because freedom of religion only applies to Muslims! Obama is not so smart anybody who is paying attention can see what he really is.
Prentice, you’ve done it again! When I first began reading this I considered that once again you were furious at the Pres. & had descended into bitter sarcasm/satire to vent your wrath.
I don’t find your sarcastic/satirical writings to be as well-written as your other pieces.
Then I realized toward the middle that you were satirizing those who think he’s secretly a disciple of Mohammed. And yes, I did say in my first Comment to your post about the Ground Zero mosque, that not all such folk are on the lunatic right-wing fringe, and that I was beginning to take the idea seriously.
Allow me to clarify. My wording in which I described Obama’s remarks about the proposed Islamic structure echoes what I’d picked up from media reports. Not just from conservative or Christian media either (and definitely NOT from any of the lunatic r-w fringe pundits you name), but from general news media, infamous for its liberal slanting of the news (i.e, from journalists one would expect to warmly support a very liberal Dem. Pres.).
Nor have I endorsed the opinion that Barack Husein Obama is a crypto-Moslem. I still give him the benefit of the doubt regarding his Arabic middle name, and try to ignore the strong similarity between his family name and the first name of this nation’s greatest enemy. But whereas before I completely ignored such allegations, once he spoke up for the Ground Zero mosque I began to see that PERHAPS there might be some foundation to it. But I haven’t see such yet.
As for my second Comment, yes, I’m quite aware of how in various cities such as Nashville, San Antonio and even little ol’ Clarksville on Sunday mornings police or other authorities must direct traffic entering, exiting or passing by mega-churches. I’m also aware that streets get closed for parade-type events, including the “March for Jesus” annual events of the mid to late 1990s. But THIS performance of acts of religious worship IN a major street on the busiest traffic day of the week goes beyond the bounds of reasonableness.
But then, “reasonableness” for some followers of the Arabian prophet includes following his command to take the faith he invented all over the world. “Jihad” is not merely “holy war” against infidels, it’s true; it’s the struggle of ideas in the public arena and the struggle of good v. evil inside the individual soul. Nevertheless, many converts to Islam seem to favor that first definition, and to see it as a sixth obligation (in addition to the universally held 5 duties, to fast during Ramadan, pray toward Mecca 5 times a day, etc.)
I have no doubt that there are at least some Islamic immigrants and native-born converts who greatly desire to make this nation one where Sharia is the law of the land, women must wear birkas and nijabs, crtiquing the Arabian prophet and his religious ideas is forbidden and Christian crosses get completely replaced by the Islamic crescent.
Prentice, now I know when you are talking with tongue in cheek. You write some funny stuff during those times. I applaud your sinister sarcasism.
However, I don’t know the two other people who have made commments regarding this post. At least I don’t know them enough to figure out if they are both nuts – or are living life in a fog. Perhaps they are undereducated and have never learned to question any authority figure who takes public pride in showing others how to pray and what to believe. I don’t know. But perhaps I have a solution.
PLEASE post the constitutional requirements for congressional representatives and senators. Include also the constitutional requirements for all other federally elected offices INCLUDING THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. Since the aforementioned commentors do read perhaps you can simply post requirements as written in our constitution. I don’t think I am wrong in thinking that there are no requirements that an individual state his or her religion, practice any religion or even have a religous belief. I also believe I am correct in my understanding that a major reason for the settlement of the United States was to seek freedom from religous intolerance. Of course, I do understand that most of the early settlers helped the European powers that be take over land that had never belonged to them. Sending religious folk who had suffered at the hands of the Church of England, criminals of every sort and desperately poor people who did not fit into European socities was a no-brainer for the King of England. Get rid of the non-conformers, empty the jails of criminals, Send them along with the poor and the needy over the waters, and through the woods to kill, brutalize and steal property from the Native Americans.
Prentice, what are those of us who claim these early boat people to be our ancestors, or the immigrants that have followed since then, what on earth are we doing standing on perches high and mighty telling others they don’t fit the requirements they think some other person has told them to believe. Those that do have at least a sliver of sanity and understanding of the founders of this United States of America have also lost their humble gratitude by forgetting that those who have come before us and paved our way were in groups of people who were unfit for the society from which they came, sought religious freedom, banded together with poor, needy and criminal outcast. Not excluding too the British loyalists who were commissioned by the King of England to take, govern and maintain this land as yet another stolen piece of property for the British Empire. Stolen, without regard and with no cooprative effort to live in harmony with with the native peoples who had a love and respect for the land they had cared for on their spiritual quest guided by Mother Earth and Father Sun.
Certainly we should hang our heads in shame and recognize ourselves as most unrepentant bigots from whence we came and continue to be. There is no humility in hate.
Do you think you should forget writing these blogs for awhile. Instead write a book titled something like “How To Successfully Live With Ourselves, And Others, By Comprehending “The Bill of Rights”, “The Declaration of Independence” and the “Preface” as well as “The Constitution of The United States” Along With All Amendments. Maybe the better title would be “Americans For Dummies”. You better write at a 3rd grade or earlier level though, you’ve got a lot of dumb ass readers – and smart ones who just forget to speak up.