I’m planning a quick trip out of town in a couple of weeks to visit an old friend in Atlanta, but I’m struggling with an issue that I know will arise if I make that trip alone. While in Atlanta, I’ll be tempted to cheat on my wife!
Only a few miles from my friend’s home there is a place I know will seductively beckon to me, perhaps irresistibly this time. It has been many years now since I was first drawn inside by its exotic allure and red lighted sign. Yes, I felt ashamed, but it pulled me back time and time again. I wanted, needed more.
This is no low class joint. Inside are dozens of attractively dressed women spanning a range of ages. The women are blond, brunette, short, tall, thin, larger… women created in all of nature’s glorious combinations. There’s something to satisfy every taste, and the women waiting to be of service are all smiles and eager to please, and made more beautiful by the intoxicating perfume that fills the air. A large male staff is equally poised to serve up whatever tickles a customer’s fancy. Like I said, this is no low class joint.
I should mention that the place attracts nearly as many women customers as men, and a high percentage of the customers coming through the doors are couples.
The sign out front says “Varsity“, and inside the World’s Largest Drive-In Restaurant are nuclear chili-cheese-slaw dogs, onion rings, burgers, ice cream and fried pies that have corrupted the youth of Georgia Tech and caused Atlantans to unrepentantly sin since 1928.
I solemnly vowed to Mary Ann that I would faithfully devote myself to a heart healthy diet, forsaking all deliciously greasy, salty, cheesy and mustardly delights, hoping to push back that ‘til death do us part time a few years. But, c’mon, it’s the Varsity!
I can’t trust myself, so I’m thinking I’d best not make that trip alone. Mustard stains on my collar, that unmistakeable and irremediable chili-slaw dog breath… She would know.
Oh, my Varsity, I will love you always, but my broken heart must forever keep us apart.
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Hey, Prentice! When I first read the title of this posting (on Facebook), I was thinking about the current scandal du jour (as one of our ECC members likes to say) re the SC governor & how Atlanta was involved in his sin. As I read a bit further (first paragraph) I considered warning you to watch your wording lest anybody think you’d really cheat on Mary Ann! But then I read the piece (the posting) and realized that it all was in jest. And hilarious! You’re pretty good at writing humorous pieces, friend!
FYI, in Moscow, Idaho, where I got my Bachelor’s degree, there was a drive-in called “The Varsity”, which was notorious for showing X-rated flicks. So, that Varsity really WAS a den of sin!
That was over three decades ago. Wonder if “The Varsity” still stands there on the edge of Msocow not far from the U of I campus? Or has it gone the way of most drive-ins, to oblivion?
No woman could hold a man responsible for failing to resist the Varsity. Some urges are just more than we can control!
Hey, maybe me, you and Cas can sneak down to Hotlanta and have a quick bite before Mary Ann realizes we’re gone!